I feel so good. SO GOOD!!! In Hawaii now it is 10 o'clock. In AZ 10 after one at night....so actually I am supposed to be falling asleap. I returned home only 20 minutes ago and I am so happy!!! I have not been out like this so long. I love Russians!! I missed Russians! And I was so worried that I was late, because if it has been MY host, she would have already called Barbara (my representative) and the police i sto pudovo uystroila bi mne vzbuchku...and here, I just called once and said that I was going to be late and that's all....everything is OK. I don't want to go to bed because I am feeling...mmm..perfect. Both body and mind. This climate...it is so soft and calm. It makes my skin so soft, it is so warm in here and easy to run - ne zadihayesh'sya cherez 5 minut bega. And nowind with sand that kills your last left over enthusiasm to go out. I bought Bible. I always wanted to read it, but also today me and another guy were arguring about religion. He is from Russia from Ufa. He is very very very strong Christian. For 5 hours (pryam kak v stariye dobriye lizeiskiye vremena) we were arguring, discussing this subject. Finally everybody got tired of us and went to watch the movie, we went to the book store, sat there on the flore (in US there is always carpet on the flore and to sit on it is Ok) and he was trying to explain me why he believes, why everybody should belive and was reading parts from the Bible. It was so nice, although I am very sceptical about religion. He is cool...too religious thought. He did not make me believe, but made me think. I hope I made him think too.... When he went out and I stayed alone in the bus he said he would pray for me so that I got home safely. Nobody ever prayed for me...and I got home wonderfull...people in the bus helped me a lot. My phone died and i asked a girl to lend me hers..and she did! And then helped me to get out in the right place because it was dark and bus announcements were broken. And then everything was perfect. ANd now i am feeling perfect like.....I have not felt like that for a year! Together mind and body as I said. I can not explain it. Nichego ne bolit, nichego ne bespokoit. Natroyeniye ofigenskoye - oooochen' horoshee, ya ni golodnaya, ni ob'yevshaysya. I dazhe ne hochetsya chego-nibud' sladkogo na noch' perehvatit' iz holodil'nika (hotya hochetsya vsegda). Sovpadeniye ili may be it is because he prayed? AAA!
I never realized how many people in the world do belive, how many are religious and for how many the life is...so different from my own. I mean, I always knew that everybody has different lives and different views, it is just that i never realized that so many people are worshiping to God.
Today, at this conference I learned about Jewish, Buddist, Christians, and Muslims. You should see HOW Muslims love their religion, how they are proud of it, how atrong and sure they are in their believes!! Actually among all of those I like the Jewish and Buddist guys. At least it makes some sense. The more I hear about Christianity, the more I am starting to see it as a tail...a fairy tail that people belive in....a magician and somebody who always loves them and will save them and take them to a better place.....they just have to be good and sacrifise a little. It is like something that helps you live, helps you through hard timed like fairly odd aunt helped Cinderella.
I am so confused. It is so hard. I respect everybody who belives and today I was thinking that it would be so nice to start beliving all of a sudden...everything would become so much easier right away....o many questions would not need answers anymore. Not looking for easy ways. But I learned one thing for myself. I am not going to lie to myself. If I do not belive - I do not. I am not going to make myself belive. Bud' chto budet.